New Original Song: You

[IanD]

Hi everyone,

I just finished writing a new original song, called 'You'. Here is just a rough recording of me playing it 'live' with a percussion track running in the background. I hope you like it, but I'd really welcome any feedback or comments before I start to record and arrange a multi-track version.

Ian

 

[NeilES335]

Great Ian! My only suggestion at first listen is to spice up the guitar in the verses... the 2 chords are a bit repetitive. The bridge is good, with a nice variety of chords. Well done!

[gotto]

Nice vocals Ian, and a nice melody line. Consider a second guitar with brief note stabs or some moving double stops in the phrasing breaks, maybe a little slide guitar to try out . As Neil said, a great start  and a good foundation to build some color over. Maybe a choral vocal background later in the song. Just some ides.

Greg

[IanD]

Thanks Neil and Greg, great comments!

Ian

[Oldjock]

Well done Ian, enjoyed the song. What are you using for the percussion track?

Henk

[CapM]

Hey Ian!  Mr. Love Song Extraordinaire!

I'm always hesitant to use the same progression for the verses as the choruses.  It has been done by many famous songs, but there are too many ways to change things up.  Musically, I have some ideas that could help you.  I'll send a PM in a sec.

Lyrically, it's always nice to add some tension, then release that tension in the chorus.  You added some tension in the verses (like explaining what it's NOT in V1, then mention "pain" in V2), but didn't try to build on that tension.  I view songwriting like poker - don't give away your hand too early.

Anyhow, have fun doing a full production on this one!  I look forward to hearing where you take it.  Vocal sounded great btw.  Cheers!

[Six String]

Hey Ian,

I really liked the song, and though I have no skills in songwriting, only in listening, I don't think I'd advise changing it much. 

Songwriting is no easy thing, especially the lyrics and I think this is a really great effort.  Also, there is no sin in taking a simple progression and making an interesting song of it.  Tom Petty was a master of it and the band had a saying "Don't bore us, get to the chorus".  Many of the lyrics I've looked at by evolving song writers are closer to a novel than a song.  The genius of songwriting is the paring away of the unneeded until every word carries meaning and the whole is more than the sum of parts.

I think you have a really nice song here that works. My two cents, for free.

[IanD]

On 8/27/2018 at 12:33 PM, Oldjock said:

Well done Ian, enjoyed the song. What are you using for the percussion track?

Henk

Thanks @Oldjock, I use Apple Logic for doing multi-track recordings and it comes with a 'virtual drummer'. I just set something up quickly on that as the percussion track. I've also used a cheap and simple app called 'DrumBeats' though on occasion for noodling or practice with a slightly cooler sounding metronome.

Ian

[IanD]

5 hours ago, CapM said:

Hey Ian!  Mr. Love Song Extraordinaire!

I'm always hesitant to use the same progression for the verses as the choruses.  It has been done by many famous songs, but there are too many ways to change things up.  Musically, I have some ideas that could help you.  I'll send a PM in a sec.

Lyrically, it's always nice to add some tension, then release that tension in the chorus.  You added some tension in the verses (like explaining what it's NOT in V1, then mention "pain" in V2), but didn't try to build on that tension.  I view songwriting like poker - don't give away your hand too early.

Anyhow, have fun doing a full production on this one!  I look forward to hearing where you take it.  Vocal sounded great btw.  Cheers!

Great, thanks @CapM!

Ian

[IanD]

2 hours ago, Six String said:

Hey Ian,

I really liked the song, and though I have no skills in songwriting, only in listening, I don't think I'd advise changing it much. 

Songwriting is no easy thing, especially the lyrics and I think this is a really great effort.  Also, there is no sin in taking a simple progression and making an interesting song of it.  Tom Petty was a master of it and the band had a saying "Don't bore us, get to the chorus".  Many of the lyrics I've looked at by evolving song writers are closer to a novel than a song.  The genius of songwriting is the paring away of the unneeded until every word carries meaning and the whole is more than the sum of parts.

I think you have a really nice song here that works. My two cents, for free.

Thanks @Six String, I really appreciate that. 

I did try to deliberately keep it simple, but did wonder if I was just being lazy instead. I've already started playing around with some harmonic embellishments, I'll try a few variations but will use your post as an 'ok' to come back to the simple version if the others don't work!

Ian

[gotto]

23 hours ago, IanD said:

Thanks @Six String, I really appreciate that. 

I did try to deliberately keep it simple, but did wonder if I was just being lazy instead. I've already started playing around with some harmonic embellishments, I'll try a few variations but will use your post as an 'ok' to come back to the simple version if the others don't work!

Ian

Nothing wrong with simple. Here are a couple of two chord songs, popular in their genre.

One an 8 bar blues, one a rocking country song. Each song has added embellishments to the focal rhythm pattern, that create a nice listening interest for me. If an object is to consider playing the original live for an audience, a looper pedal might be a nice addition to your "gas" collection. I've always considered listenability-catchiness-a desirable component to my interest in a given song. I share Cap's interest in lyrical content and structure but in truth, that may not be the primary reason why most people latch onto a song. Still, in developing one's art, I value that aspect in songwriting highly and my favorite collections usually include artists who script their verses well.

Greg

 

 

[IanD]

Thanks Greg. It's all good. The feedback from everybody has really inspired me and I've had great fun the last couple of days playing around with the song: adding chords; taking them out again; adding a few sus chord variations; playing around with rhythm/phrasing/words... and that's before I even start trying to arrange a multi-instrumental version.

I'd always intended to add interest and let the song build via other instruments, including electric guitar but I'd quite like it to stand up on its own with just an acoustic in a live setting too. 

Funny you should mention the looper. I do have a ditto looper pedal already, but I haven't used it much. I've been watching quite a few live videos of Ed Sheeran and KT Tunstall, they both use loopers very effectively and both can deliver songs well with just an acoustic guitar and no band.

I saw a clip of Ed Sheeran the other day, he said he used to write as many as two songs per day to 'get all of the bad songs out of the way' so he could start writing some good ones. I heard someone else on the radio (I forget who) say a lot of people try writing songs and stop because the songs are not very good, but it's actually like everything else... you have to practice, make mistakes and learn.

I appreciate every single comment from this community, it's all helping me to learn. Oh, and I have lyrics ready for four more songs already... trying to get all the bad ones out of the way ?.

Ian